A Subtle Loss of Authenticity

Authenticity is a quality that I feel proud of in myself, but the srange thing is: I forget this and find myself not being completely authentic. Oftentimes, I am avoiding vulnerability, transparency, and I don't even realize it. I think I'm being real, but I'm not. It is a subtle form of self abandonment, and self-protection.

I noticed something recently - I lose my authenticity when I do or say things not for the sake of expressing truth, but because it's what I think people will like. Or I think it is what will give me what I want.

The irony is that whenever I do that, it usually doesn't resonate with people, and I don't get what I want. So not only do I end up abandoning myself, but I don't get the result I hoped I would get either

The feeling of vulnerability is scary. If I'm real, and if I share something real about how I'm feeling, I'm making myself more vulnerable to the impact of how it is received, and how is reflected back. If I hide behind something that lacks true heart, at least the rejection isn't personal. It's just something I fabricated, not my soul. It's okay if nobody sees the thing I made. But is it okay if nobody sees me?

But who really needs to see me? Am I even seeing myself?

The thing is, if I'm not being authentic, I'm being rejected by the person who matters most in my life, myself...Not in a selfish way, but in an honest way....Because The reality is that I get to live with me every single day. Other people come and go, but still, here I am. All 42 years of me.

I will be the one that will encourage me or tear me down. I'm the one that will make me feel loved or not. I'm the one that can make my life better or worse. Nobody really has that power more than I do.

I think we all must face this at some point. The realization that our relationship with ourself has to be healthy and good for any of our other relationships to be good.

I hope that this resonated with you. Maybe you saw a little bit of yourself in me. Thanks for reading