Men’s Groups: A Container That Holds You
A place to really be you: becoming the man you are
The modern man feels lost and alone (and women are noticing)
There is a reason you feel lonely, disconnected, and empty. Men today, even those in relationships, are more isolated than at any point in modern history. Recent surveys suggest about 40% of men feel lonely at least once a week. It's not a character flaw, or something wrong with you. It is a signal that you need a container that can hold real connection.
The quiet weight men carry
Inside relationships, many men still feel a steady ache. Without trusted male community, we lean too hard on our partners to meet every emotional need. It is not fair to her, and it is not working for us. You need a place where your truth is welcome, where you can be witnessed without fixing or performance.
What you are missing
This is not a new idea. It is ancient. Men gathering with men to tell the truth, to challenge one another, and to remember who they are. What works is not just talk. What works is structure that makes honesty safe.
Why a circle works
A good men’s group gives you consistency, confidentiality, and clarity. It offers a rare space to explore what it means to be fully human without judgment. You do not become a better man by reading in isolation. You become a better man by showing up, getting seen, and facing your truth in front of other men who will not let you lie to yourself.
A night inside the circle
A September evening in Northern California. The sun hangs low through a valley oak. Eight chairs around a cold fire pit. I arrive early to set the space. One by one, the men arrive. Some I have known for years, others more recently. I know each of them more deeply than most people in my life. Because here, we tell the truth.
We work with four archetypes: Lover, Warrior, Magician, King. Many of us encountered these through initiations like the Mankind Project. We do not fix each other. We witness. We challenge. The circle becomes a mirror. In seven years I have learned I am not alone in my grief, my shame, or my drive to be better. I have seen myself in their quiet strength, resilient humor, wildness, discipline, and fierce love. Each time we meet, I leave with a full heart and a clearer mind.
The container: simple rules, real depth
Call this the Structured Vulnerability Protocol (SVP). Think principles over practices. This is not a how to facilitate manual; for full training, consider MKP’s IGFT or PIT and reputable programs from other organizations.
Held by experience: Prefer circles anchored by men with facilitation experience. Experienced facilitators create safety
Cadence: Decide together (weekly, bi‑weekly, or monthly) and commit for a season.
Confidentiality: What is shared here stays here.
Advice by request: Avoid advice unless the man asks.
Truth in the first person: Speak with “I” statements. Own your story.
Single‑point focus: When a man is sharing, stay with him. Do not add your story unless invited.
Feeling over narrative: Name the feeling, shadow, and pattern. Less biography, more essence.
Shared attention: Keep airtime balanced and the energy clean. Presence matters more than precision.
Build the container (principles, not a script)
Use the four archetypes as a map for the night. Let the length breathe with the group.
Lover — Opening and belonging
Phones away. Breath and silence to arrive together.
Set an intention and acknowledge the space.
Check‑ins: 3–5 minutes per man. One emotion in your body. What is true right now.
Warrior — Integrity and clearings
Warrior energy is concise. Are you clear or unclear with yourself or another man.
If unclear, own the impact, name the pattern or shadow, and state how you will return to integrity. Usually only a couple of men need this.
Magician — Deeper work for those who need it
One or two men name their work and go deeper with support from the container.
Use structured processes only if someone present has experience.
The man sets the mode: be witnessed, request feedback, or ask to be challenged.
King — Closing
Gratitude, blessings, or simple affirmations.
Confirm next meeting and point person.